The Cribbing Critic

RHYMING CRIMES

2010-10-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

Oh Whimsical whimsical me

Was it an err for me to tweet?

Of the bosses wife I did meet

Which alas wasn’t on a street

Ah sorry sorry me

A bucket she did weep

Of lost love and an upset tummy

So you see it was no fun nookie

Oh boring boring me

What tales I could have weaved

If to the truth I did not keep

But a gentlemen I must be

Oh smarty smarty me

Never will I tweet

Of lies , truth or infidelity

Especially when a job I must keep

IN YOUR FACE - BOOK

2010-10-08T22:29:00.001-07:00

Well this is my first blog entry for 2010. What have I been up to all this while? Well I have been conducting a sociological study of the Phenomenon called Facebook. I am on it, you are on it, my grandmother is on it!

Well let’s get some things clear, it’s not a social tool, it’s not a networking tool, it can only be called a masturbatory tool. (No a Blog is completely different). Now at a click of a button we can all be the center of our own little virtual universe. Now you and I can play Moses, only difference being Moses had an upper cap of 10 on his little snippets, but you and I can keep on adding one every day, hour or minute, If one wises.

Consider some rather common posts or “What’s on your Mind” Updates we have seen. And these can broadly categorized in the following buckets

Apps Update
Amit has Just challenged you to a game of Strip Poker
Sumit has taken the Test “Who is your Soul mate:” – And it’s an Orangutang in the Mysore Zoo called Arun-gatang
Harpreet has just finished milking the cow in Farmville. Wink Wink If you know what I mean
Osama has just gotten his top score in ‘Kill the Infidels’

Emotional Atyachar Updates
· :(
· Why does this always happen to me?? :(
· missing my sweetie pie :(
· You have always been there for me, through my ups and downs.. I love you mom
· People are such creeps, my nude pictures uploaded on my profiles are only for my friends and family, but every pervert out there wants to invade my privacy :(

GPS Updates
Going to office – I hate morning meetings
Am at the top of the empire state building, the view is stunning!
Just got undressed and entered the shower, hope none of my friends is a serial killer
I’m in the loo, taking a poo

OOO I am such a smarty- pants Update
I think the budget this time has taken a step in the right direction toward improving blah blah”
Just read Salman Rushdie’s Midnight children.. Oh! What prose!, can’t wait to read it again
The one who laughs last, probably dint get it
If you are against narrow mindedness, child labour, poverty, stupidity, nuclear war, world hunger, Orkut, Communal forces, copy this post and put it up to show your support…yes just pressing the Like button is not good enough, you need to copy this on your wall…then it will make a real difference

Information Updates
The Chicken Breast I had last night was just delicious
…..actually I think it was a chicken leg…..mmmm.. and a women’s breast!
Anyone who might have seen my last post, please don’t tell my wife
I am writing my new blog
Guess what , I am still wring my blog
Taking a break from writing my Blog
Am back to writing my blog
I just got divorced

Now you would think, why would a reasonable person, a normal person, a sane person, give a fcuk about any of these updates, but strangely people do. It appears that we all are configured to respond. By clicking on the Like button, commenting on such posts with equally mindless abandon.

But what makes us, or compels us spew anything and everything that comes to our mind, or things we want others to believe comes from our mind? So I asked the world renowned expert Prof. C Yithau (Claim to fame being his revolutionary work on Small Talk). Here is a small excerpt from that Interview
**************
Q. Prof. C Yithau, I would like to thank you for giving the cribbing Critic your voluble time for this study
A. It’s always a pleasure talking to you

Q. Professor tell us more about your new study on Facebook

A. Well I have been working with a crack team from Rawalpindi University to study Facebook and its effect on modern culture. So I have spent the last year living with chimpanzees and Pakistanis communicating only through Facebook

Q. Fascinating! And what were your findings?

A. Well it’s been an incredible experience, the chimps were excellent in growing bananas on their Farmville farm. Though they did get upset when they dint get any top eat. We had to replace some of those laptops few times

Q . Amazing! What else were you able to understand?

A. Well my hypotheses what that the Id , ego and Super ego have evolved into… hahahah Susan just threw a banana at me on Facebook. Wait I’ll throw it back at her
Q. hmmm….mm… who is Susan?
A. J hahahaha… Oh…..Susan is one of my chimps…..We became VERY close. We took a “how compatible are you” test on Facebook and scored a 100% J J J
Q. Oh…mmm… how nice…. But doctor, if you could tell me a bit more on your study
A. Hahaha …..What? Oh yes, it was very informative….. Damn! Susan just challenged me to Strip Poker…I keep telling her, you don’t wear cloths! so I win by default, but she gets so upset, so I just pretend to lose….Let me just take my shirt off..
Q. Maybe we should continue this interview when…mmm…you not strip-ping….
A. What? Damn that Susan, she threw a banana at me again! I’ll show her! I’ll milk the cow and get 1000 Points and throw a dress at her... hahahaha…
*************
So folks this is where my interview ended, but this was just a first in my extensive study of the Facebook Phenomenon. I went on to speak to Osama Bin Laden, Shashi Tharoor, Susan, and many more experts in this field… So please stay tuned for my next installment on the Facebook Whitepapers….but maybe it I will write on Twitter….. or should it be on orkut…or myspace..or … in any case, you can be rest assured that it will be something very intelligent and insightful. Ciao!

Seriously Green

2009-12-18T07:17:00.000-08:00

YAHAN PISHAAB KARNA AUR NAN BIO DEGRADABLE ITEM PHENKNA MANA HAI

People……it’s time to get serious.

I have just found out that our natural resources depleting and the world is amidst a climate change. Pollution from our vehicles, use of Air conditioners, Smoking and eating lot of beans are all causing a green house effect. These facts got me perturbed. (Yes it was word of the day at Dictionary.com)

So I decided to go speak to my good friend Prof. C Yithua from the University of Oklahoma. As many of you would already know, Prof. Yithua is one of the leading enviromentologists in the world. I went to him with the hope that he would put my perturbulations to rest, but that’s not what happened. He explained to me that in another 3 years and 4 months time, the Global greenhouse effect would mean that during peak Indian summers a person would have only 13 seconds to finish his ice cream, before it completely melts and in the subsequent 15 seconds vaporizes. More astonishing fact was that apparently due to our neglect in managing non bio degradable waste, oil spillages, and Silicon waste from Pamela’s bosom reduction has lead to the destruction in ¼th of the world’s rain forest. So it seems that the only true axe effect is the reduction of trees and increase in perspiration.

But as many of you know that while there may be people who see the glass as half empty, I see it as only a temporary state before it becomes completely empty. So speaking to the Prof was not the best thing I could have done. So I went to the Library and picked up some white papers written in the last century. Apparently gentlemen called Lord Loshase had done a study that using only 1/3^rd of the plastic a person used, reduces the plastic consumption of a person by 2/3rds!!!! I was wonder struck, if one person can make such a significant difference, then imagine what all of us together could do!!

So I have decided that saving the planet is each and everyone’s responsibility, and I am starting by not going ahead with my plan of becoming a chain smoker.

People seriously on a serious note, let’s all individually take responsibility for our actions and make an effort, however small in the grand scheme of things to make out world a little cleaner and greener for us and the generation that will come after us.

But then on second thoughts what the hell has that generations coming after us done for us, lazy buggers!!...ok maybe I should stop…

Adios :-)

Dear Diary

2009-03-04T21:49:00.000-08:00

13th January, 2009

What woe I store, it’s been months since I was covered by a major news channel/newspaper. The last time I was in the news was when I got my photograph taken in that “page three” event with a running nose. What a nightmare it was, I had to quickly claim that I was protesting against the height of poverty where all people have to snack on is their runnies.

21st January, 2009

I just met my mum. She told me she has come to kick my bum. Told me I should do something productive, like write another book. I think she might have point there. Maybe I will write a book of poems. You might have noticed I can get quite a good rhyme going.

25thJanuary, 2009

I think I have writers block…can’t go beyond the fourth line of my first poem “The Inner Beauty”

I won the booker
Stood up for the hookers
Nobody thought I was a looker
But I refuse to make mine bigger
…………

30th January, 2009

Oh diary, I am so happy. Now that I am off dairy. Ok that last line was just to see if I should give that book of Poems another try. Maybe not….coming back to why I am so happy. I just found out that in the region of Chiwawapur, families are killieng all new born female dogs. They claim, the stray dogs hump them and leave them with, more pups than they can feed. This is just the sort of cause I was looking for!!

Animal and Female Gender’s rights rolled into one. I think my days on page 7 are here again.

2nd Feb, 2009

I called PETA for their support to my “SAVE THE BITCHES” Campaign. I told them I would be glad to do a bare all photo shoot. They enthused, told me that with the recession and all that it’s not the right time for a photo shoot for me. The Bastards! They dint even bother coming up with a good excuse and dashed my hope of getting Heffner’s attention. Well I showed them. Yes I did. I told them that they could go to hell with their veterinarian support for the dogs of Chiwawapur. These dogs don’t need shots they need to be shown on TV.

4th Feb

My protest is going really well. I have taken 50 dogs form the local area and making them go on a hunger strike till our demands (make murder of innocent bitches illegal) met. Even the President Prathiba Patil came ask me to stop my campaign.

5th Feb, 2009

It turns out; it wasn’t the president who met me. It was Prathiba Bai, who was complaining about all the dog shit in the protest area. If that wasn’t enough one of the bitches out of hunger bit me in the ass!!

7th Day of the Year of the Dog

Grrr arggg ggrrrr aahrrg!

12th Feb, 2009

I am really glad to be back from the hospital. Need to get my press statement regarding my protest about lack of initiative taken by the government against people suffering from rabies…..I hope this get covered by some major newspaper!.

Penile Dialogues

2009-01-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

Well there comes a time in a man’s life when he must stand up and be heard. Some chap-y once said all it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing. Well I guess I am one of those “good men” who has decided that something must be done.

There I was searching you-tube looking for dirty videos, and obviously I thought searching for “key” words such as Vagina might help. Next thing I know, to my delight a whole bunch of these vagina monologue videos turn up, and I am thinking this must be some sort of new politically correct terminology for an independent women doing her thing

Next thing I know I am being bombarded by some pretty angry women (pretty-angry women not pretty angry-women) , all screaming about rape torture, and all sort of other things you don’t want to ear about in your R&R time. Who would have thought that women walking about their vaginas could be so off-putting?

Well I decided that this is wrong, and I must take a stand for all men and write something in return. Something from the men’s side of it, and this is how it went.

Well, it’s quite understandable that with women, it has to be a monologue. That’s hardly a surprise. But men converse….men have a dialogue. Hence this piece became Penile Dialogue .. Has a nice ring to it don’t you think so?

Well so far it has been all background. Now that the time of actually writing something for this blog entry, actually write something pertaining to the title of this piece..well…..lets look at an excerpt from good ol’ eveies stuff

I BET YOU'RE WORRIED.

I WAS WORRIED.

THAT'S WHY I BEGAN THIS PIECE.

I WAS WORRIED ABOUT VAGINAS.

, I WAS WORRIED WHAT WE THINK ABOUT VAGINAS

AND I WAS EVEN MORE WORRIED

THAT WE DON'T THINK ABOUT THEM.

I WAS WORRIED ABOUT MY OWN VAGINA.

IT NEEDED A CONTEXT, A COMMUNITY,

A CULTURE OF OTHER VAGINAS.

THERE IS SO MUCH DARKNESS AND SECRECY SURROUNDING THEM, (I agree)

LIKE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE,

LIKE A WHAT !!!

OK. Now do you realize the basic basic difference here? There is NO way I am going to be talking about my penis. And there is no way that I want to talk about some one else’s penis. Hell if I was worried about my penis, I wouldn’t want to talk about anything at all.

So here I am with a title but cant really write anything about the first part of it. So I have decided to have a dialogue…with myself.

I: You do realize you keep taking my place

Me: Hey can’t help it if most people don’t know when to use you.

I: Well I guess I’m just a lonely word, people don’t want to use me much.

Me: Are you getting senti on me now? Better not or the only other piece of work you will ever get is on the next Ensler play “My Vagina and I.”

Myself: Ok..now when I started writing this dialogue it was going to be about me, now the rambling of some ridiculous personification of two personal pronouns.

I: So much for a dialogue, now it s a group discussion!!

Me: well at least you aren’t mopping around anymore. So I guess more the angrier.

Myself: Dear reader I do apologies for this. This was supposed to be an intellectual dialogue between me and my alter ego, supposed to enlighten you, but its turned into..

I: Shut up! I won’t let me do to me what will did to shall. I SHALL keep my place in the hallowed nuttiness of the English language.

Myself: thanks for reading the all this nonsense….. this is getting out of control…till the next blog entry…”How to Cheat friends and Influence the stock markets”

Elephant Talk

2008-10-03T04:23:00.000-07:00

Talk its only talk

Dialogue, dualogue, diatribe,

Dissention, declamation

Double talk and so on

He went singing his song

One part crazy

One part genius

For no one who spoke

Knows the beginning

Or end of the spoken word

Inspired by Elephant Talk by King Crimson

Person A: “So whats up?”

Person B: “Nothing…same old..you tell me”

Person A: “Nothing much, a usual”

Person B: “Hmm”

Person A: “God the traffic was bad today”

Person B: “ Yeah….but I thought it was worse yesterday”

Ladies and gentleman……children of all ages….feel free to take any conveniently available pistol and shoot your brains out. Yes the inane small talk, the unnoticed ill of modern society looms all around us.

How many times have we had this conversation, if you can call it that? An exchange of words for the sole purpose of avoiding silence. An exchange of words in the hope that this exchange might lead to something meaningful; Friendship; kinship; loveship; who knows? It appears that the entire premise of small talk/polite conversation, call it what you may.

Is to ensure that silence and awkwardness is avoided.
To be a contributing member of any group discussion
To start something off with the hope that something meaningful might evolve. Let me illustrate

Person A: “So whats up?”

Person B: “Nothing…same old..you tell me”

Person A: “Nothing much, a usual”

Person B: “Hmm”

Person A: “You look really pretty today”

Person B: “……………………………………..”

Person A: “ Hmmmmmmm…………………….”

Person B: “God the traffic was so bad today”

Prof. C Yithua from the University of Amsterdam, one of the world leading anthropologist states in his paper on evolution of human speech

“Deep in the human psyche lies the fear of falling behind, which originated when only the slowest or dim witted of the early man had not mastered the art of verbal communication. From this came about the need to speak. For silence is viewed by many cultures across the globe as a sign of stupidity. Iditocity if you prefer that word”

Hey this guy is an expert. Well don’t just take his word for it. As early as 1920 a study was conducted by Lord Loshase which stated that

“Small talk is the first sign of madness, during my studies in the London Psychiatric ward I noted that most of the schizophrenics were unable to cope with reality because most of their time went in making polite conversation with their alter egos. The ones who have the capacity to be rude and tells their alter egos to shut up often are able to lead normal lives as the weaker personality generally keeps his trap shut ”

So there has been studies, arguments, god know what all, but one thing is certain and I am sure that you all agree with me, small talk leads to insanity. So the big Rs 300 + taxes question is:

Do you want to go insane?

If not, please buy my insanity resistant t-shirt selling for……..yes you guessed it Rs 300 + taxes.

Available in sizes large, very large, and loose some weight you fat bastard.

Portrait of a Lady

2008-08-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

The orifice gapes open wider, the beast has shown its true size, natural fear and disgust at the sight of the unnatural large opening sweeps over me. Slowly, thankfully, the hand moves, albeit quite late on the job, to cover the mouth and the last remnants of the yawn. It’s the 10th yawn for the hour, and images of me shoving the reciever of the conveniently placed telephone into the mouth next time it opens fills my brain. Seems sadistic in a way I know but at least it helps assuage my boiling irritation.

As usual after some yawns, the inevitable takes place. The long and mysterious trip to the washroom. What perils and adventures lies in the path of the heroin of this tale I don’t know, but given the unnaturally long duration of this activity, one can suppose that there could be few reasons for this. Everything in the spectrum starting from constipation comes to mind. But it’s hard to imagine such a relaxed and sleepy demeanour from anyone suffering from any of these ailments. No, it can be only one thing. The mid hour nap!

One can only imagine what sort of dreams a person has when the person takes a nap in that holy cubicle. I only pray that these excursions are followed by the mock flush and hand wash. Not too good for the image of the team you see. The casual observer might mistake absence of the before mentioned acts as a sign of lack of personal hygiene. It’s hard for the commoner to understand that heroes are different beings, after all you don’t see Aragon or Gimili running across the mountains carrying toilet paper and tooth brush do you.

As you see this meaningless tale has now taken a tolkienish directon and I must burst into a song.

Lady my sweet lady

Dint you get any sleep last night

What kept you up? A fright?

Maybe you should stop that diet

Lady my sweet lady

Why is it that you blush

When I ask did you flush

Just concerned about your rep

Lady my sweet lady

Beware of the fiendish foe

Who might stick a receiver,

Into that yawning hole

Lady my sweet lady

And I use that word loosely

The hours I go on counting

Of the naps you keep taking

Lady my sweet lady

Before we say our goodbyes

And here while we still linger

With love accept my lone finger

Any similarity between the persons and events mentioned in this post to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. But hey if the shoe fits......

A GENTLEMANS RHYME

2008-05-03T00:07:00.000-07:00

It’s truly a gentlemen’s game,
With many dancing dames
Listen to the experts say
How the start paved the way
Or how twenty runs were short
Or a win they might have got

Yes the same old story
Happened once, will happen again
Or so I thought till the crying began
No No, this have not seen
Hope his diapers are still clean

Sixes and fours, off they go
Kicks and thrusts, and what not more
Slaps and bursts, and injuries galore
The question is whom do you support
Guess the winning side has my vote

THE THINKING MAN

2008-03-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

Well I decided to think for a while and hence that became the topic. A topic that sounds noble, profound, makes allusion to the great artistry of Auguste Rodin. But think about “A man thinking” for a while. Let me give a few examples of what I thought of when I thought of what men might think.
1. “Maybe I should take a crapper…..I think I need to go”
2. “Wow!! That chick is hot….makes this one(Possibly a girl friend) look like a cow”

3. Me wasting my time thinking about all this.

So what is the point of the above? Some time it’s just better to say, “Hey buddy, stop your thinking and go to sleep”. Now you are probably beginning to think how long can I stay on this topic, and well you are right I can’t. Hence I will start the real topic; which is basically an expansion of example three.

Fictional characters

I recently finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and on reading the oh so sweet ending where everyone is married and has kids and Harry Potter is not cruelly and brutally murdered, I was reminded of a concept from a Tom Holt book (My Hero) where all the fictional characters of different books are real in another work/plane/universe/blah/blah (yes I know it’s a long sentence but then I am a thinking man, not a writing man). Now try and think if that was actually true (Now I could have asked you to imagine it, but as you see I am going with the whole “thinking” theme here). Now it’s nice for Harry and the gang that their story has such varied cast, with plenty of opportunity to hook up with people of your own species and all. Well that might not be your first thought but just think of the three men on that boat. When that story is not on going on, what do these three guys do? Any guesses, if you do, please keep it to yourself. Now you are thinking, “what the hell is he talking about, I can’t understand any of this. Ho w much more of this is there?” Well actually not much, I dint really think any more on these lines, hence we will move on to another demented little thought I had.

The Thought Experiment

From wizards and boating trips to quantum mechanics, I know its small press of the Enter button on the keyboards but a giant leap in the thinking process, but bear with me for a while. Now I spent some time reading and thinking about Schrödinger's famous Thought Experiment, where the cat is in the box, but we don’t know what state he is in, dead or alive and how that quantum physics as we know it, when viewed on a macro level creates so much room for conjecture and puzzlement. I was amazed by the amount of thought that has gone into the whole matter and views and theories published as well, most of which I couldn’t understand. Suddenly much like my ol’ pal Archie I thought Eureka!!! , why not just smash a piano on the box, once the box has attained tomandjerryish flatness, we can remove any heisenbergish uncertainty regarding the cats state of health.

Now what I think is if you have read this far you might be thinking, “why did this chap think so much and why dint he just take his own advice and go to sleep”, and if that is what you are thinking, I think would be in agreement with your thoughts.

Dream a Little Dream

2007-07-23T03:06:00.000-07:00

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily
What the..! Is that actually me?
To row that boat
All on my own
While the beastly buggers
Just chant and sing
Nay I say, I’l go my own way
Right up, not down that stream
And crib about this stupid dream

A comparative: James Bond Vs I (Ver 1.1)

2007-06-25T07:34:00.001-07:00

Jimmy and I go back a long way, I first got acquainted with him when my age was still in single digits, since then he has changed, and so have I. There has been a lot of personal growth, physical growth and some mental growth. In so many ways our lives have been moving in parallel…………………..…with a few subtle differences of course.

Gadgets: We have all seen them, the watch with a laser, the cigarettes with poison darts, the X-ray glasses (my personal favorite). Well……growing up; I had this little action figure. I used to call it my doll, till I learnt of the politically correct male terminology. A fat bald guy with a cape in his underwear. (NO. I did to choose it; it was a hand-me down toy). A pretty cool doll….$#%#%!! Sorry, action figure...it was hollow and had a hole in the bottom. And I used to practice my martial arts by punching its stomach in, and given its physical make up, it made a big wheezing sound as it uncoiled back to it original shape. I LOVED IT…probably because it was so old and dirty, the air coming out of the hole used to smell bad. I told all my friends it was a magical action figure. It could fart!

Transport: Both Jimmy and I have been known to travel by highly maneuverable, chauffeured, three wheeled automotives. While he was driven by Vijay Amritraj, I am generally driven by psychotic, Rajnikant look-alikes.

The Villains: Diabolical super baddies bent on taking over the world, and destroying Bond in some particularly unpleasant manner. – “And now Mr., Bond you die…”. Sounds like every teacher I’ve had in school. – “And now Mr. Krishnan, that chit tucked inside your socks please”

The Babes: Yes I saved the best for the last…how often we have heard, ”OOH James” by some hottie, unfortunately, by the time the ladies finish, ”OOOH Ramakrishnan Krishnan” The job at hand is done and I am busy trying to convince Rajni to take me home.

More to come soon.

A Magnanimous Thought

2007-05-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

The clock strikes 12, and the only thing that seems real is that I am starving, and the truth that is truly the most bitter to swallow is that there won’t be any lunch before 1 O clock. At times like these I think of the many hungry people of the world who will have to wait for a lot longer than one hour before they can eat. Its time like this I realize that people don’t give such things enough thought, if they did they would'nt subject me to this horror and get me my $&T%&* Lunch right now!!!

Ps: Life sucks, get over it.

A book spoiler written before Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix

2007-05-19T23:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Fans of Mr.Potty(also known affectionately referred to as shithead). Here is the summarised version 2.0 of J.K Rowings Latest Pottybook: HARRY POTTY AND THE HALF SANE PRINCE

It was a warm summer, and with the rising heat, Harry had grown accustomed to the heat in his pants too. He was now growing up and learning the joys and trials of a sexual awakening. He really missed Ron and that girl.

It was on a really "hot" night that professor Dumbobore paid Harry a visit. Dumbobore had looked after Harry during the past 5 years at Hogwhores School of magic tricks. He had seen Harry grow up from a young child to a youthful nubile boy of stature and "size". He felt that he was mature enough to be told the terrible truth about his parents. At this time potty was crying like a sissy boy about the pain in his scar, when he suddenly felt being felt up. He woke up with a jerk and saw Prof. Dumbobore . The Dirty old Prof smiled kindly smiled at him and said in a deep rumbling voice, "Potty I am your Father", Harry had a sense of Deja vu, but he let it pass and hugged him. Dumbobore slowly explained to him , how he and Lord Vodkamore had been something of an Item, and had adopted him, but due to the drunken ways of Lordy, he had to flee and leave Harry in the custody of the first house without the front light on.

From here on lots of shit happened, finally back in school, Potty met up with Cho Bang, and made out with her, but somehow the fear of Lord Vodkamore would not let him rise to the occasion. Further he made the shocking discovery the Herpesony was a hermaphrodite.( somehow he felt that he could relate better to her, this way, knowing that they had so much in common). skipping a lot of boring shit, there is a threesome between Potty, Ronand & Herpesony.

Towards the thrilling conclusion of the never ending book, Prof. Dumbobore and Lord Vodkamore Battle out over the Patent rights of the Rabbit in the Hat Trick, tragicly ending in Dumbobore being turned into a Glass of Bloddy Mary, (Vodkamore's classic spell),and getting drunk by Rons useless Owl. But fear not! Potty and Friends ingeniously bring out the Clause of no alcohol Advertisements and escape Dumbobore's bitter end, and live on the fight another day, another book and another 899Rs for the next Installment of Harry Pottyand the Curse of Constipation.

Pls Pls don't tell ppl who are yet to read the book the end.

2007

2007-01-02T03:58:00.000-08:00

Well, its 2007, Yippee. Another step towards, middle age, old age, senility and finally the ultimate climax Death!

I have always been struck by how people think that a new year is something to celebrate, how does our life really change? Is it like monopoly that is you finish a round and you get money, do all your problems from the previous year just disappear? Is it possible that every one who pisses you off might become more agreeable this year? Nah!! (Unless some of those people reach that ultimate climax). it would make more sense, to celebrate change of season, hey is no longer summer, no more sweating like a pig, yippee, hey it’s no longer winter Yippee, no more freezing my balls off. I guess anything could be a better reason.

What really pisses me off I is all those television shows with their bloody countdowns, walk down memory lane, the top ten stories, the top then songs of the past year, the top ten movies of the year, the top ten idiots who should have their head blow off (OK that’s not yet come on television, but you got to admit, that would be a good show)

Maybe you got the feeling that I am not such a great fan of the New Year, so maybe I am not, but still I have gone ahead like everyone else and made myself a few New Year’s Resolutions.

1. Work Towards world peace – I’m going to do my bit by not killing someone.

2. End world poverty – I’m going to do my bit by opening a charitable fund that supports my basic and my base needs.

3. Stop cruelty to animals – I’m a vegetarian, so I think I am already doing more than my bit.

Yeah……they don’t make nice guys like me anymore.

An Introduction

2006-12-25T08:28:00.000-08:00

Writing the title is the easy part. OK so it’s an introduction, but to what? Me? Wish I could say I need no introduction, but unfortunately I do, but given I am starting this blog off on Christmas, and in line with that whole Christmas spirit and crap I might not be the best thing to write about.

So let me introduce some of the colourful characters I have had the pleasure of meeting, for instance the local guest house caretaker for the Old Director's Bungalow at Sitapuram, Shri Vishnu Cement Ltd Employees colony. (I know how you all wanted to know about that chap for a while) The Name is Kotii, the Ko that needs to be pronounced like ‘so’, but incase you mispronounce his name I am sure he Kotii wont mind, why you ask? Because he is a moron. He tends to give off these idiotic smiles for all occasion that makes me feel like smashing a Banjo on his head, but unfortunately such musical instruments are rarely at hand when you need them.

The sweet bugger also has a most charming habit of yapping when you try to read at the dinner table, if I wasn’t so fond of my books I might have just shoved t in his mouth. Some how I am sure even without saying anything about myself, you might be forming a picture in your mind as to what sort of person I am. All I can say is please don’t make any hasty judgments, in my thoughts I might just a step away form being Ramakrishnan Lector, but I really don’t act on any of my impulses. (Of course if I was 6 feet something weighing over 150 Kg…..maayybe I might… but given my rather harmless dimensions ...Nah!)